When You Want To Smell So Human

Smells are a funny thing. Ask any kid as they giggle after their own fart. Smells are hilarious.

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The boy, giggling over a fart, during a photo shoot. 

But really, there’s a whole industry build around scents, and I’m not referring to air fresheners and bath bombs. And, it makes me giggle a little, too – because I can be a five-year-old, too, sometimes.

First, there’s the industry that helps you not smell like your own biological assignment. We rely on it any time Ron goes hunting. There’s a special detergent you can use to wipe your gear clean of any human scent. Because, deer and elk and other critters can pick up a whiff if the wind shifts from a good distance.

And then, to take it one step further, there is the industry that essentially produces perfume for humans to wear to make the animals think a cute lady is hanging around. And, it’s mostly urine.

I NEVER KNEW THIS. Well, until recently. For whatever reason, it’s always an eye-opening spot in the outdoors store to see all the different kinds of scents I could buy, if I wanted to. Just depends on the kind of fella I was looking to attract.

Then there are those trips where you end up smelling very human. The ones without showers, the ones where it’s warm or musty and after a couple days in a tent, you end up smelling as human as you can without even trying. You can’t buy that smell. It’s organic.

Smelling super human, I’m sure. But the fox didn’t care.

But, for the adventure we’re about to embark on, I want to smell as human as I can. Like, really bad. If there was a “human” scented spray, I’d buy it. Maybe even stock up. I want to smell all kinds of biped.

Because, there are critters down where we’re going. Bears and mountain lions and sheep. And, we’re going in their backyard. Just for fun – not looking for trouble. Just amazing photos and fun explorations and general memory-making. If only wild critters could read this and understand before we go, so they know we’re cool.

That’s why I want to smell human.

Friends who have gone before me have said they’ve never seen anything scary. And that makes me feel better. But maybe they smelled more human than me?

I’m cool with dogs. And goats. And foxes. And I did okay with a moose – that was missing the rest of his body…


But bears freak me out. Really. I’m going to google what they eat to be sure I don’t smell like it. And, I won’t drink a single thing after a certain point, so I won’t have to venture outside the tent in the dark, alone. Or, I’ll wake up Ron. Either way.

Also, this is my internal freak-out that is pretty consistently present before every new adventure. Until I get there – and I’m swept away by what we’re doing.

It’ll pass. Just like the fart the kids giggle at.