My life will never be normal. It will be fantastic. It will be fulfilling. Amazing. Rewarding. Inspiring. And it will be full of the kind of love I didn’t think was possible. And it is. Right now.
But, it will never be normal.
When you leave a relationship that was built on control, the desire for the other person to keep hold of that is even stronger than when you were in it. If that’s even possible. Because the tactics he used to keep me in my place were pretty extreme.
This person is actually trying to control the words our kids use. The feelings they have towards other people. Trying to control who I work for, and what type of work I get to do for them. Trying to control how people perceive him and what he’s done to me.
He tries to control what I believe, even. How other people see me. Tries to control those who support me, from those in an official capacity to neighbors and friends.
But here’s the thing: No one controls me. Or how I think. Or act. Or do. Except me.
I control me.
He’s trying to control an image he wants for himself. And in doing so, only reflects back on himself the ugliness he believes he is spewing below the radar. People like that can’t get out of their own way.
That’s why my life isn’t normal. It requires an extraordinary level of patience – a beyond-normal ability to trust that the universe holds tight to the truth. And rewards it.
Given all I’ve had to push through, even that reward, if and when it comes, will be beyond normal. But you bet your ass I’ll keep waiting for it. Patiently. It’s just around the corner. I know it.